Why aren't you as successful as you'd like to be?
Success is something that gets talked about more than a Taylor Swift gig! Inspirational quotes all over our social media feeds, influencers waxing lyrical about how amazingly brilliant they are, and 'successful people' defining their success by the 'blingy' watch they're flashing at the time. We've heard all of the phrases, we know all of the vernacular around stuff like sacrifice, discipline & consistency and we've sat in countless webinars & coaching sessions and could probably recite what gets said in them...it's enough to make us feel rather inadequate, right?!
But that then begs the question...if we know all of this stuff, why aren't we doing any of it?!
Andy Reid is going to challenge some of the common understanding around success that he thinks is well past its sell-by date. He’ll offer alternative perspectives that may well make success feel that much more attainable, because as of right now the knowledge around success is falling on deaf ears, and it is not your fault.
Andy Reid is an award-winning Auctioneer, Host of the ‘High Performance Humans’ podcast, Published Author, Real Estate Coach and Speaker. With a purpose to make success more accessible to more people, Andy enjoys challenging the standard way of thinking in the name of progress. His book ‘Success Curious’ is due to hit the shelves in Feb 2025, with an aim to help normal people do awesome things and taking success off the pedestal that society puts it on.
After this session you will feel like you can be that much more successful, and you won't have to lease an overly expensive car to do it!
Kylie:
Well, I think they're starting to shift it already. Well, what. I might just kick off by doing a welcome to Country. So the Rise Initiative, I'm coming to you from Wangal land, part of the EORA Nation up in Sydney. We're on the Parramatta river and the Rise Initiative acknowledges indigenous people past, present and emerging and makes everybody welcome here today. We understand the importance of home and connection to the country. Now I'm. On behalf of the Rise Initiative, we are really honoured and blessed to have Andy Reid as one of our super coaches for today's Wellness Wednesday. And we also thank MRI for their sponsorship of making our wellness webinars possible. Andy is an award winning auctioneer, host of the High Performance Humans podcast, a published author, a real estate coach and speaker. And you've got a new book coming out, Andy, I believe, which I'm sure you'll tell us about.
Andy:
I do, I do. I was gonna. I was. It's kind of like a little light under a bushel thing, but yeah. Success Curious. Success curious. It's out January 28th. It's all up for pre order now on all of your popular main bookstores and sites. Amazon and Booktoker and all that sort of stuff. So, yes, my English teacher will be. Yeah.
Kylie:
Astonished and amazed, impressed. So with the purpose to make success more accessible to more people. Andy enjoys challenging the standard way of thinking in the name of process progress. Sorry. And success. Curious is the aim. Its aim is to help normal people do awesome things and to take success off the pedestal. So I'm really looking forward to reading that. He's recognized as Australia's number one auctioneer, having won the REB Auctioneer of the Year in 2022, REIV Senior Auctioneer of the Year and the REIV's President's Award for Service and Support to the industry in 2020. He was also a finalist in the 2021 REB Awards for Mentor of the Year and Industry Thought Leader of the Year and he's regularly sought after for his opinion and has been featured in the Herald sun, The Daily Telegraph, realestate.com elite agent, all the publications and is a regular speaker. So welcome, Andy, I'm going to hand over to you, I'm going to encourage everyone just before I go though to please download the Real Care app. We'll be sharing some information at the end because the new app is like having a performance coach in your pocket, so. But Andy, over to you.
Andy:
It really is. We're gonna have a bit of a play with it in today's session, actually, gang, because I. I was very fortunate to have been in a leadership session on Friday. Just gone at Domain HQ down in Melbourne with something with a room of absolutely wonderful, wonderful people. So have a little bit of a play with it while we're here, gang, I think.
But anyway, look, it's, it's an absolute pleasure to be with each and every one of you. Firstly, I want to thank you for your time in advance. It doesn't, it's not lost on me that time is a. Is our most precious commodity. So the fact that you guys have given it, some of it to little old me is. It's definitely appreciated. So hopefully I'll bring you enough value to warrant your time with me.
Now, today I want to tackle this whole topic of success. It's something that has been. It's been banded around since Day Dot, right? And we've all got our different versions of what success looks like, feels like, tastes like, is like. But I want to challenge just a couple of things that I think are very much are really holding a heck of a lot of us back when it comes to chasing whatever our version of success is now. Success, by the way, is a process Not a destination, which is probably the first mistake that a lot of people make. But I really to tackle two key topics today, if I may. So I'm going to just quickly share my screen and Rock and roll.
Now, first thing we want to talk about today is going to be how words change worlds. Now, they say that only 7% of our communication is done through what is said. But I would argue that the words that we use, not just for other people, but to ourselves, for ourselves, by ourselves, my word, they can have an insane level of impact. And I want to talk about specifically how our language around success, the narrative, the generic narrative around success, and how that might be holding us back, to be fair, and how we can just make a quick little shift to improve our fortunes there.
I also wanted to talk about going from craving motivation to creating motivation. It's fairly commonly known, fairly obvious that we are. We have become addicted to dopamine rushes. So we're addicted to motivational videos as a society. Society. Right. So. And it's probably one of the things that is holding us from achieving success in our own identity, in our own vision. So I want to talk about how we can perhaps make a little bit of a shift in there.
And then finally, I'm going to take you through some definitions of high performance humans that have come from guests that have been on my little podcast that I've been having that have been running for 49 episodes now, 49 weeks. So it's episode 50 next week, which is really, really cool. But I've had some incredible guests on there and their definitions of what high performance is as a human being, quite varied, but it might open your brains, open your minds, open your hearts up to maybe thinking about high performance success in a slightly different way. As Kylie said, my job is to try and take success off the pedestal that society has put it on by the likes of social media and whatnot. Where you see the flashy cars and the fake tans and the. And silly eyelashes and all that sort of stuff. And then we tend to feel that we are separate from those that are successful, when in fact we are all human beings and we have a right to achieve a level of success, whatever that might be for us. All right, so that's the trip that I want to take us on.
Now, before we do crack on, though, what I would like to do is do a little exercise. I'm going to introduce you to Real Care 2.0 just now. Now, I'm not going to lie, gang. Just last night and I actually posted something on My. On my Instagram story about this, just to tell you that I'm not messing around when I'm. When I tell you this. Yes, last night around about 11pm, I had a bit of a rush of anxiety, not going to lie. And, and so, you know, and look, we all have problems, we all have challenges and all that sort of stuff. I'm no different from anybody else in that regard. You know, none of us have got it licked in every single little bit of our lives. And I'm no different. I had a little bit of an anxiety episode last night, which was interesting. So it really got me thinking that if we're going to have our minds and our hearts open to potentially changing and shifting a little bit of old rusty wiring that has been really hammered into us by humanity, society, our environment, all the rest of it, we probably need to get ourselves in the right headspace. Okay, now, as was mentioned by Kylie, the Real Care. The Real Care app has had a real big. A real big upgrade and it is absolutely amazing. I would highly recommend you download it. It's for free. You don't have to pay for it in any way, shape or form. And the best thing about it is it doesn't collect data as well. It's a completely private app. All right, now I'm sharing my phone screen with you. So thankfully I just checked to make sure that none of the dodgy pictures that are sent to people were on there. So I just need to make sure that we're all very much kid friendly on this. On this one, I've hit the Real Care app, which is, as you see, there's two apps, Real Care apps on the bottom of my screen there. The one on the right is the first version. The one on the left is the second version, the blue and white one. So as you can see, I put my information in my name and all that sort of stuff. And where I'm from, it does not collect my data though, which is really, really important. Now, one of the best things about the upgrades with vers of Real Care is the fact that it is so much easier to navigate. You've got quick links going through to four main sections being Rapid Relief, Self Care, Performance and sos. And you've got emergency helplines button down the bottom there.
Now I'm going to go into Rapid Relief because last night I needed a little bit of Rapid Relief. As I'm sure you can appreciate, when you do get hit with a bit of anxiety, you don't half get sort of rattled with a bit of nervous energy and you're not quite sure how to handle it. Right, so what I want to do, gang, is hopefully you've got a little bit of a notepad and a pen. And if you are happy to share, what I would like you to do in the webinar chat is just give you. Give us a score out of 10 in terms of how you're feeling right now. So out of 10, either mark it down in your. In your books or put it onto the chat if you do feel comfortable enough doing so, just give us a score in terms of how you're feeling right now. Out of 10. I'll give you 10 or I'll give you 15 or so seconds to do that. If you don't want to. If you don't want to share, that's absolutely fine. Sophia's a seven. Good stuff. Tyrell is an eight. Wow. I like it. I like it a lot. Kylie's a six. So, you know, we, we've got a little bit of room for improvement. Okay. We've always got room to improve. Last night I was probably. I was probably at a 4 myself, not gonna lie. So what I want to do is to get us all into the right headspace. I'm going to take us.
We're going into the rapid relief section of the Real Care app here, so the very first section that you can see there, and we're going to do seven controlled breaths. And the aim of this is to get all of us into the right headspace and the right mind mindset so that we can have our brains open to potentially challenging a couple of things that are standard in society these days. So I'm going to hit the control breathing thing now. We're not going to do it for five to 10 minutes. I don't stress about that. Kylie, Eva, we are going to be on time. I'm going to hit get started now because I'm in some incredible company right now. I'm going to say that I'm a relatively happy chap. Last night, I would probably say that I was probably down here somewhere. All right. But right now I'm feeling pretty good about stuff. I'm going to hit next. Now I've check. I'm going to change settings. So we're only going to do seven breaths. We're going to do it for three. We're going to do three seconds of breath. I'm going to hit start and if you can see my screen there, it will say start breathing and then. And it will tell you to inhale, exhale, all Right. So if you could all do this for us for a moment, this would be wonderful. I. I will narrate just in case anybody's listening to this in the car as well. So I'll try and do it in a softer voice as is possible. So let's go. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. I don't know about you, gang, that's making me feel a little bit better about things. And now if you could now, like I said, do it for yourselves. Or if you want to share, you can. Now you've had a chance to just have a little bit of a breathe, a little bit of a breathing exercise and centre yourself a little bit. Give us just review that score and see if you've just upped your score, even if it's just by one, so that you're open to having a bit of a think about what we're going to talk about next. Give yourselves a score out of 10. Now you've had a chance to just give yourself a little breathe just to get yourself into the mood for challenging one or two things. Ah, God, make me feel better, that's for sure. Okie dokie now.
So let's crack on with what we're going to talk about. Now, what we want. What I really want us to talk about, team, is a couple of. Is a couple of things. Like I said, the first thing I want to talk about is. Oh, hold on. Two seconds. There we go. The first thing, the first thing that I want to talk about, gang. Sorry, bear with me. Two seconds. We did, we did practise this beforehand. Of course we did. I'm just gonna hit resume. There we go. Now, words change worlds. This is the first thing I really want to dig into a little bit, gang. Now we've given ourselves a chance to centre into the session. What I want you to think about is asking yourself this one question. This is a question that I ask towards the start of every single one of my episodes with all my guests on my podcast, and is what your definition is of a high performance human.
Now, what I want you to do is just quickly give yourself 30 seconds to a minute just to write down what you believe is your definition of a high performance human. If you write that down for us, please. And if any of you feels comfortable again, if you feel comfortable enough to share, that would be tremendous as well. I should have perhaps noted that this is an interactive session. Like we. If we're going to improve ourselves and improve Our health and well being. It kind of helps if we actually put some of this stuff into action. So give us a bit of an idea as to what your definition is of a high performance human. An Olympian, operating at an optimal level of thriving. Geez. Thriving. What a word. What a word. Amazing word. Anything else? Like I say, you can keep it to yourselves if you like any others, if anybody else wants to share, you don't have to. Meeting and achieving your own standards and goals. Jane. Yeah, very good. Very, very good. Now, I want to tell you a little story, if I may.
Now, I believe that it's a shame that we grow up sometimes. I think that the inherit inherent sort of curiosity of kids is just the best thing since life spread. I really do. And I get reminded of this constantly, right? I'm a dad of a 10 year old girl called Eliza and a 6 year old called Callum. Both are very, very different personalities and they're both absolutely awesome, to be perfectly. To be perfectly honest. Not that I'm biassed or anything, but I am. Now I had a really, really interesting chat with them a couple of weeks ago at the dinner table. Now, these are the likely words that you will perhaps have in your definition of a high performance human and consistency, discipline, hard work, sacrifice, passion, communication, mindset, connection, determination, success is probably in your version of a high performance human as well, at some stage. These are all standard words, right, that we always get, that we always associate when it comes to high performance. You know, we said Olympian, operating at an optimum level, meeting and achieving your own standards. You know, all of these words that are so commonly used in society or, you know, in business leadership or in talks, seminars, all this sort of stuff. Right?
Now what I want to ask is, is it safe to say, it's safe to say, right, that these are all words that we all know and tend to associate with high performance and. Or success. I think that's a fair thing to say that these are always the words that get bandied around, right? Now, if we know that these are commonly accepted elements that go into creating high performance in whatever shape that takes, then the question that I want to ask, if it's been, if it's so commonly known, why aren't we doing it? It's a question that I've been posing for myself for quite some time and. And I kind of half stumbled across the answer, ironically, after I'd finished writing my book. So chances are I'm probably gonna have to write another bloody thing now. And it was a pain in the ass to begin with. I'm not gonna lie that I'm ADHD stamped officially, which is wonderful. And writing a book is harder than climbing Mount Everest if you've got adhd. I'm not gonna lie.
So all these words are really commonly known, and yet for some reason, we keep running along the same path, or the majority of us do. Why is that? So Jane said, it's simple, but it's not easy. I would argue. I would argue that the words and the language that we use around high performance and success has been the same since the 1980s or even earlier and has failed to evolve with the way that society has evolved all of these words. I'd argue that the reason why it's not easy or not easier for a lot of people is the fact that a lot of these words have become white noise. And on top of that, the interpretation of a lot of these words have become lost. They've become absolutely lost in a sea of crap that gets banded around left, right, and centre.
Now, the story that I wanted to talk to you about with my kids, that's Callum doing his best impression of Winston Churchill. Hopefully. Hopefully he's not just giving me the two fingers, but anyway, so this is Elijah and Cal. Now, Callum is a confident young lad, right? He's a confident little six year old. He's just recently had his public speaking debut and absolutely smashed it. But he's got this thing about his abs, right? He loves. He loves trying to get abs for whatever reason, right? I think one reason is because it's wrestling, then it's Cristiano Ronaldo or whoever. And a few. A couple of months ago, he comes in and I'm doing. I'm doing a training session. I distinctly have zero abs. And he comes in and goes, dad, look at me. I've got 21 abs. I'm like, mate, that is amazing. Well done to you, son. Good stuff. You got 20. Geez, that must got to be a record, that.
Now, a few. Couple of weeks. A couple of weeks after that, right, he comes up to us and he goes, dad, today I've only got two abs. I'm like, mate, that's all right. That's okay. If you've only got two abs, that's all right. And he asked me over dinner, he goes, dad, how do I get more abs? And I was in the middle of doing something on the other side of the kitchen bench, and without thinking, I said, well, son, it takes a lot of discipline. Now, as soon as I said the word discipline, Eliza's ears pricked up and she was like, what? And they both looked a little bit confused. And I went, yeah, it takes discipline. And Eliza's response to that was, what do you mean? So what? He needs to be told off a lot. I went, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Discipline is just turning up even when you don't want to, right? And even if you don't feel like it's turning up. And make sure you do the things that you need to do. She goes, oh, sounds like you just. He just needs to be told off a hell of a lot. And it really highlighted an amazing point that I wanted you.
I want you guys to challenge is that a lot of these words, right? If we're to. If we're to. If we're to go back, a lot of these words, they're not the over. They're not the most positive words in the world, right? They aren't like consistency is probably the least sexy word on the planet, right? It really, really is. It's most boring word ever. Discipline. Like I said, from a young age, we've been taught, we've been wired for discipline to be associated with doing the wrong thing. Right? If you think back, we discipline our children. How is that instilling habits for high performance and success if we are associating high performance with negativity? Now, the easiest one to point this out with is sacrifice.
Now, if you were to look back in time and look historically or theologically, you know, biblically speaking, sacrifice really wasn't a very nice word. It involved a couple of planks of wood and some nails. To be perfectly frank, it. It was sacrifice in. In historic terms means the killing of oneself or the killing of something. If you. To look it up in the definite in the dictionary, that's not cool. Now, here's the thing. The concept of all of these words, the meaning in terms of what we are trying to use them for, from. In terms of their concepts are absolutely. They are positive. They are absolutely true. And here's what I mean.
If you are wanting to lose weight, for example, then you probably can't go around eating donuts all the time, right? Now, you might love donuts, but for a person that loves donuts to sacrifice the eating of donuts, it essentially implies, historically speaking, that we are looking to kill off a part of ourselves, which kind of makes it a heck of a lot harder when you think about it, right? A lot of this is going on subconsciously, but if we actually bring it into the consciousness, you could argue that these words that are just used ad nauseam all over the place by motivational speakers and all the rest of it. They're not cool. They're not cool at all. But the concept is legit.
Now, if we were to look at some of these words, right again, not these, not the coolest words in the world. And instead of looking at the words themselves, we think about the concepts that these words are trying to pass on to us and then look to see how we can reframe that into better words that better suit society these days and then therefore give us a better opportunity to actually step forward into the next version of ourselves. With positivity, maybe we might have a shot of making this thing a little bit easier for ourselves. Maybe. So instead of looking at those words, why don't we have a look at those words? Sacrifice, discipline, consistency, hard work or loyalty, Identity, habits, progress. Which set of words instilled a little bit more up and about, a little bit more positivity. Now the hilarious thing is both those sets of words in concept are exactly the same.
Let's take that top one. Sacrifice. Sacrifice. Is this killing off of something in order to lose weight, for example? Well, instead of worrying about killing off the wanting of donuts, why don't we be more focused on being loyal to the healthier version of ourselves? Let that settle for a second. I would potentially argue that it's going to be a lot easier to not pick up that jam filled deliciousness through loyalty as opposed to sacrifice.
Take a look at discipline. Discipline. You know, like what we talked about there, Eliza, Elijah and Cal, they thought it was me telling them off until he got abs right, Bless his little cotton socks. You start to get worried about it, right? But instead of being disciplined towards what we want to achieve, putting in the exercise to get healthy, being disciplined to turn up to the gym, why don't we see it as doing? Exercise is a part of my identity. It's a part of the future identity that I wish to have. See what I mean here, gang? It's an odd little concept, but I feel it could have profound change, profound impact.
Consistency, turn that into a habit. We brush our teeth consistently, but we don't talk about being consistent with our teeth, with our toothbrush. Right? Because brushing your teeth is a habit. Bollocks to consistency. It's boring. Having it as a habit is awesome. And hard work. I'm sorry, but the two words hard and work, I'm not a fan of. I mean, don't get me wrong, as Kylie would probably attest to, I do perhaps work harder than most. Right. And it's an affliction. I'm not saying that as a pro is a proud thing, but instead of hard work, let's focus on the word progress.
Because providing yourself with a degree of progress towards what is you want to achieve in the next version of yourself, that's way more. That's way more enticing for me. Don't. About you putting in. Putting bit, turning up, having it within our identity so that we can provide progress towards getting to that loyalty of being who we want to be. This is the. That I've been really sort of marinating on as I've been writing this book. And ridiculously. And I actually tried to go back to my publisher, said, can I add a load of this stuff in? And said, get stopped. You've taken long enough. And I was like, okay, fair enough. So I'm probably gonna have to write another bloody thing. So please, if it would help if I actually got a few of these put away. So if you do want a copy, feel free to let me know. I'll flick your links. All the rest of it. This isn't a selfish plug, but I kind of need that in order to do the second book so I can write all this crap in, right? How annoying. Anyway, so that's the first one.
I want you to challenge the language that you use and think about the concepts, not the. Not the words, and how you can reframe them into a much more positive. Into a much more positive direction that can make half of this a hell of a lot easier. Now, craving to creating motivation. As I mentioned, gang, we are very much addicted to getting validation from external sources, right? And I'm. I have got the T shirt on this, right? So I'm not preaching. None of this is me preaching, right? Anything that I am saying to you now is being done through my own battle scars, okay? Hence why I mentioned to you earlier last night, 11:30, riddled with anxiety, couldn't sleep, needed to make a decision as to whether I was going to let that grip me and send me down a pretty shitty path, or I could take that nervous energy and do something to provide me with progress towards the next version of my identity. All right? And now, thankfully, last night, instead of lifting up the phone and. And satisfying my dopamine addiction, I didn't lift up my phone. I lifted up some weights. I'm not saying that I'm perfect and I get that decision right all the time, but if you could create a greater awareness around all of this, gang, you're going to give yourself A higher probability of making the right choice. Not the easy one, the right choice a little bit more often.
Now ask yourself these questions. Have you ever found yourself in a loop of watching motivational clips and ticky talkie scrolling and all that sort of carry on, right, Tick. Do you struggle to get yourself going in the morning? Big tick. Especially when the boy decides to come in at 4am and kick the crap out of me. Do you attend events and webinars ironically, get all fired up for 24 to 48 hours and then drift back into your normal mode, you know, your normal programming resumes. Can't remember what Andy said the other day. I'll bollocks to it. I'm just going to carry on doing what I'm carrying on doing. Okay, we've all done it, we've all been to rx, got half caught, forgotten what after people said and then go back and go, oh, yeah, okay, maybe we need to do something. Oh, we'll do it next week, right, we've all done it.
All right. It's about this dopamine addiction that society's. It really is. I don't know if people have called it the new heroin, but I'm probably going to start calling it the new heroin because I'm. I'm a pig for it. I am. I've got, you know, one of my.
One of the old bits of wiring that I've been working so hard on. My journey down mental health lane over the course of the last sort of nine and a half years has been this need for external validation. Kylie’s absolutely right. Our mobile phones and notifications, seriously. But of course they do, big time. But I was brought up in what they call the narcissistic family now. My parents were awesome. I am not going to discredit my parents in any way, shape or form. And FYI, resentment is a waste of energy, by the way. So before you start blaming anyone, think about the energy that you're going to waste in doing it. There's no point, can't change it. My parents looked to live vicariously through me. They wanted me to achieve all the things that they couldn't achieve through their own circumstances. They worked their asses off as police officers to give me the opportunities that they couldn't get. But unfortunately they were there.
The opportunities that a lot of the time they wanted, not me. And this narcissistic family thing is around about. It's natural. It's a natural condition whereby we become. The kids become echo in the whole Greek myth where narcissus is obsessed with himself and all Echo does is. Is reiterate anything that Narcissus does. And then Narcissus looks down in the river, loves his reflection that much, he falls in and drowns. Echo's not got an identity then, and withers away and dies. I could talk about intergenerational interactions and parenting and all that sort of stuff, but that's for a whole nother topic. What I want to really, really highlight to you though, gang, is that the constant scrolling, if we're being honest, you are becoming. We. We as a society are becoming the echo to the Narcissus that is the pedestal, the perception of reality. We've got a real problem with our own identity because half of us don't know what it is.
Now, part of the solution is seeing what we can do to get ourselves out of bed that little bit easier without the need for a little swipe of the thumb. Now, in my. My geek mode and writing this book, and I will do, I've become a massive geek and I'm proud of it as well. Yeah, geeks are good. They run the world. So I'm trying. I came across this thing, this theory called self determination theory, and it started in 1977 and it's had reviews since.
But the two guys that started all this was Richard Ryan and Edward Dechy. Right? Dechi. Or however you pronounce that. I think it's de. Okay. Now, the study that these two brilliant psychologists embarked upon altered the course of how we see motivation as a society from a theoretical, psychological point of view, because they wanted to try and challenge the belief that the best way to get humans to do anything was via external gifts. So a pat on the back or a. Or a. Or a rise, you know, pay rise in your job or a prezi of some description if it's your partner or your loved one or whatever.
Hopefully you don't need to do pay rises with your partners. Stop. I'm not here to judge. Okay, well, they challenged that in 19. He actually started in 1971. And then they released to start releasing it all in all series as a pair, as a really good sort of Batman and Robin type thing. In 1977. What they came up with was really, really interesting because they deduced from stacks and stacks of studying that there were three key elements to what they referred to as intrinsic motivation, I. E. In the motivation that comes from within, the motivation that comes not from external fuel going onto your fire. It comes from a burning desire to want to rock and roll. Right? From. From internal, okay?
Now the three factors that they come up with. The first one was autonomy, okay? And that is in their definition, the feeling of independence and the understanding of oneself, okay? Self, sort of virtue, self actualization, self, temper, self, you know, efficacy, for one of a better word. The second one was competence.
Now, interestingly, competence wasn't knowing everything. Competence was knowing the way without knowing the outcome. Because obviously within this motivation, you've got to worry about that little thing called arrogance, right? Which can really derail the heck out of it. You could be. You can have all the motivation in the world, but if you're too arrogant to actually see, you're going in the wrong directions, but you've useless, right?
Now the third one was relatedness. Now this was the interesting one for me. It's being. It's being able to relate to the challenge, the environment, and the situation. So autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
Now if we were to look at those three words and see how we can apply them to our own work, our own roles, right? Whether you're in real estate or whatever it is that you do, okay? If we were to look at applying those three words to our current situation, okay? Can we wholeheartedly, honestly say that we could tick off all three of those? Now, for me, in certain situations, I absolutely could. I absolutely could.
Easiest example is my auctioneering, right? I go into a happy place and in. And I looked at these three things when I was going through all the studying and realised, like, geez, that is essentially what how I rock and roll. If you are a property manager, if you're a salesperson, you know, realistically, you need to challenge the level to which you are autonomous. How competent. How competent you are, and how well you can relate the challenge to your own emotions and thoughts and feelings and all that sort of stuff. Because internal motivation comes from our own innate human desire to want to help. We are pack animals. So based on this saying, this, Andy, you're saying that commissions are not the best way to motivate successful real estate behaviour. No way, Pedro. Not on your. Not on. No way. Commission check is a dopamine. It's a short hit that lasts two seconds. And for a lot of people, it doesn't even last there because they've already spent it before they got it right. Bless them in their heads, the spike of a sale. It's a. It's a casual little dopamine hit. When I drop the hammer, do I get a little dopamine hit? Absolutely, I do. But is it the reason that I Became an auctioneer not one bit Part of the freedom that I. That allows, that I have, that allows me to operate as an auctioneer is the absolute lack of not care because of course I care. But it's, it's the lack of a need to get that hammer to drop the freedom that, that gives me in my mind to be able to operate to the best of the situation's ability as opposed to trying to jimmy it into a scenario that gives me my dopamine allows for a much greater level of contentment within my work. This is. These studies are like world renowned gang. They really are. Dopamine does not last forever. What Ryan and De were been talking about since 1977 is the path to intrinsic motivation lies through these three. Three, these three core com. Three key elements. So if we're to relate that into our right, how we can create our own motivation. I've got a little bit, I've got a bit of an example for you.
For each one, I want you to go away and challenge how you can perhaps improve your autonomy, your competence, your relatedness when it, either when it comes to your role at work, whether it comes to your role as a parent, how well are you? You know, we're not. None of us are really. None of us are motivated to tell our kids off, right? We don't want to go and bark at our kids. But when we do, we perhaps lack that little bit of relatedness that allows us to see it from their perspectives. Understanding that they probably weren't aware that they weren't supposed to put the finger up the cat's bum because the cat was going to freak out and blah blah, blah. They just saw a hole and saw a finger space and went like that. Right? Horrible example. Such a crude example. It happened. So how can we create our own motivation now?
That first one, autonomy. I've brought in a couple of words, acceptance and ownership to understand and value the things that we're good at. Now, part of being autonomous has to come from a level of confidence that we are. That we are good at what we do, not the knowledge, but we are good at applying that knowledge if we're to bring it into a real practical sense. Right?
Competence, very simply, either learn or relearn. Get into the habits. So don't be disciplined, don't be consistent. Get into the habit of learning one new thing or relearning something that you already know. Assumption makes an ass out of you and me. I do more auctions than the vast majority of auctioneers in Melbourne and I probably still practise more than most, but learning one new thing a day and having that as a habit because you want to create a level of competence that forms your identity that you want to have moving forward that puts you into a level of intrinsic motivation that allows you to get up earlier in the morning with a bit more vigour and a bit more vibe and a bit more energy. And then the last one, don't just, don't just empathise with yourself. Now what I mean by that is that's really bad English. Right. So I apologise in advance. Sorry, not sorry.
But whenever we talk about relatedness, the first word that pops into most people heads is empathy. Right. And we need to show empathy to our clients is the, is the quick practical connection that people make, generally speaking. But I want to flip it on its head because I feel that all the empathy does is make us feel better about the fact that we, that we can say that we. You have an idea as to what they. How they're feeling. We need to turn empathy into a much greater level of practicality. And in order to do that we need to actually, in my opinion, appeal to the negative bias of our brain. L. All of our brains are inherently DNA wired to look for the negative. Whenever we empathise with people, it kind of makes us feel a little bit better about ourselves, but doesn't really help them in their situation. Sometimes it does because we're good people. Hopefully we will. It will sort of give us a bit of a nudge to help them out to a greater extent.
However, I would argue if we were to use empathy to the best of its ability, we would need to picture how we, how we would feel or picture how we would feel in that situation if we didn't take action to assist. Basically, are you content feeling like a bit of an. If you don't help out, I can empathise with this situation. All right. Now what would the outcome be if I weren't to take action? One, I'd feel like a bit of a dick. But two, these potential consequences could come from this situation because if I was in their shoes, then I'd probably do X, Y and Z myself. That I would argue would deliver a greater level of energy to want to do something to improve the fortunes of said consumer.
For example, have a think about those three things, gang autonomy, competence, relatedness, and look at it in a 360 degree view, which is kind of what I'm doing here. Don't just look at it in terms of I've just got to have empathy with My customers. That's such a cliched line these days. Do something with it. Stop giving it lip service now.
Last thing I wanted to go through. Oh, sorry. What? All this kind of does and for me, motivate. When I think about motivation, intrinsic motivation, I think about being in flow, right? So my definition of a high performance human, Sam McLean asked me this a while ago. My definition of a high performance human is a human in flow with whatever it is you're doing.
All right, So I basically a human in flow, three words. Because to be in flow, it means you've got enough internal intrinsic motivation to want to get up, get out and about. You've got a level of autonomy, you've got a. Got a level of competence to give something a red hot crack and hope for a positive outcome. I've got a level of relatedness to be able to envisage everybody's perspective so that it gives me a grand perspective that allows me to broadcast at the right and inappropriate level. Right? That's me in flow. It's very hit and miss with my kids. And it would be the same with all of you guys. Any of you parents out there. Sometimes you were amazing parents because you're calm. They do something stupid, but you calm. And so you take it in a calm way and you're able to coach them through the right thing. Sometimes they catch you on a bad day and you just give them both barrels because they're stupid, right? We're ready.
We're all inconsistent with that because we're all human beings. That's part of the beauty and the curse of being a human being, right? But focus on getting into flow. Now as a little reference point one one, a part of a book that really helped me with this is it's. There's a specific section in James Clear's Atomic Habits, right, that talks about replicating the circumstances that put you into a flow state. Okay? So that's the relatedness piece, right? So for me, I then when I heard, when I heard that, because I'm an audiobook guy, when I heard that bit of his book, I was like, hold on. I'm trying to jimmy myself into two or three different arenas when essentially when I'm in flow, I know it's when I've got hammer in my hand or I've got a bunch of people in front of me because I've got nowhere to hide.
My brain's got no time to think and thinking's bad for me, let alone anybody else, right? So therefore I need to look at Those circumstances, the elements, the environment that I'm in and see how many times I can replicate that if I want to put myself into more flow states more often. So if you haven't got that book, then you need to get it and when you do get it, look for that specific bit because it definitely relates to this. If we can help it with our environment to create a greater level of relatedness, it allows to focus on our autonomy and allow our competence to shine through instead of self doubt and whatnot. Because we're not, I hope we're not sort of in that environment that allows us to be related to where we are and what we're doing now.
The last thing I wanted to do, you've got a couple of minutes left. Was take you through some quotes from a few of my guests that have been on my show. Okay. Because they're just beautiful quotes and I love them. And I'll be honest, I thought the podcast was a bit of a self prophecy, prophetic sort of personal brand play. But honestly, the, the passion I've got for it is just incredible. I love it. So, so much money couldn't buy the conversations that I've had. And I'm so grateful, so, so grateful. Now I'll take you through a couple.
Now this guy here, for those of you don't recognize him, is Daniel Flynn. Now Daniel Flynn is the co founder along with his wife of thank you. You know, thank you water. The, the organisation that is looking to shift the needle from consumerism to, to giving back to society and what have you. It's one of the biggest movements in the world. He's got Barack Obama on his phone. Like he has like he's made massive, massive impacts. And he's such an incredible human being. His version of a high performance human is a hyper, is someone who is comfortable in the silence. What a beautiful version of a high performance human that is someone that he's. His first version actually earlier on in the episode was very different to that. And then as we were talking he came up with that and I thought that was just wonderful.
Now the next one, this guy here. And look before any of you go all like, oh, here's the Olympian, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This guy is a chap called Thomas Paul. Now Thomas Paul is a British MMA fighter and kickboxing champion. He's been over to Thailand, kicked the crap out of all the guys over there. That's hence why that belt is around his waist. Is an elite, an elite athlete. Guy's been deaf since he was Born completely deaf. He can't hear a thing. His parents can't hear a thing. His brother can't hear a thing. His entire family, his entire immediate family is. Is completely deaf. Think about the adversity. That guy's face, that's before getting punched in the head. His one was awesome. And it was different to what I thought it was going to be. It was cooperation throughout your body. It's intuition. Sorry, it's intuition. It's your gut feeling that's absolutely key. Visualising what you want and your response to adversity. His adversity started way before he started getting into punch arms. The fighting world have had to adjust their refereeing to accommodate the fact that he can't hear the damn bell or any instruction. Incredible human being. A beautiful human being as well. And the podcast was incredible. So we've got all the videos as well on my YouTube, on my website. And watch the video because of two things. One, we did a podcast.
A lot of you may be thinking how you do a podcast with a deaf guy. We had Sean the interpreter on the show the whole time doing the whole thing. And it was incredible how easily that conversation flowed. And the second reason is that his old man jumped on and he didn't have a clue what we were doing or why we were recording or any of it. It was just a really cool old bloke that' been to Melbourne once and kept banging on about Nate Kelly. Brilliant. And I actually told the editors to leave it in. It's such a cool little part of the episode.
Now, the last one, this one will hit the feels. Maybe one of the most beautiful humans that I've. I've ever had the privilege of conversing with. This young lady's name is Francesca Dean. She is obviously. She was born with cerebral palsy and she's just turned 30 years old. I met her through a fitness influencer called Gervino McLean who basically had me crying at the end of our conversation because of his passion and purpose for what he does. She's one of his students because he donates the vast majority of his time to help people with our permanent disabled or terminally ill. And she's one of his pupils. She reached out to me and thanked me for giving Gervino the exposure. Not that he needs it. He's got like a million followers. Plus, she reached out to me directly via a DM and thanked me. So I said, right, I need you on her version of a high performance human. Always showing up no matter what you're going through. Because the world wants to see you. Unbelievable. Now she's. She's being confined to that wheelchair the vast majority of her life. Has it held her back?
Well, if you go down her Instagram page, you will find that she's got a modelling contract, she's in a football team, she's ab saled for charity. Always showing up, no matter what you're going through, because the world wants to see you. Team, there's no words that I could say that could beat that. So we'll end there. I really hope that today brought you a little bit of value for the time that you've given. Like I said, gang, I can't appreciate it enough. I really, really can't. I sincerely hope that I'm going to help you to challenge a couple of things within yourself, right? Challenge a couple of these boring, boringest, batshit mentalities that are just thrown at us like they've been vomited at us for years and years and years. Balls to that. Take the concepts, build new identities around them and think about those three things, right? Motivation, wise autonomy, competence and relatedness. Love to you all. Thank you so, so much for joining me.
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